Appoligies

Sorry for the EXTREME lack of updatyness. But I have NO internet at my appartment anymore. The people who's internet I was "borrowing" decided to make their connection secured with a password and everything, so now I have to go to Panera, Big Boy or my friend Chris and Jon's appartment to hijack internet. I'm too poor to afford to just get a connection myself at this time. Which blows. But I'm at my friend Chris's who has a very good connection and I don't feel wierd about posting pictures or writing blogs here instead of in public places.

Above is a picture of me and my friend Ryan taken by Springheel..... where I'm not appologizing for anything ;)

I wish I was pretty....

Back when I was in school I was told I was ugly. Every single day, by every boy (ones that were in my class and ones that were in the grades below and above me). Since I believe it was 4th grade till the day I graduated. I was even told by a few of my ex's from Jr. High that the main reason they broke up with me is because they were harassed so much by the other boys just because they were dating me and they couldn't handle it. I wasn't worth the trouble I guess. So after years and years of it being beaten into my head that I was ugly I started to believe it. I rarely wore make-up... and when I did (and now that I look back on it) it wasn't that fantastic. Even to the point when I was in 6th grade I made the mistake of saying I wanted to be a model when I grew up. Boy.... 6th graders can be ruthless. I never been laughed at or made fun of so hard than I was at that moment. And again they reminded me that I was "ugly" and I would NEVER be a model. Oddly enough I believed them.

Then I graduated and less than a year later started going to IGUN (Industrial Gothic Underground Night) in Bowling Green at Uptown thanks to a couple of guys that I met in Walmart while getting my oil changed. It's funny how fate works like that sometimes. Back then I was a nobody at the club. No one talked to me, and no one knew me, and I was WAY too shy to talk to anyone. My fashion sence in retrospect pretty much sucked. I only had a few tops I had got at Hot Topic and some very plain black pants. I had a couple of skirts and my vinyl ballgown that was my Senior Prom dress, but not much when it came to a truly fantatic wardrode like I have today. I would sit on the ledge near the dance floor and watch in awe at all the pretty goth kids dancing. It was amazing. I've never seen people dance like that. People dancing together but not even really touching. Moving their feet instead of just their hips. And the music....wow. I was hooked. For months and months I would sit there, no one would bug me, no one would talk to me. And I would just watch. Occasionally I would get up and dance, but usually it would only be to a Rob Zombie song 'cause it was the only band that I knew prior to going to the club.

Then I went to The Rocky Horror Picture Show at the Cla-Zel for a while and in June 2002 (only about 5 months after regularly attending Goth Night, and 2 months of going to Rocky) a few of the cast members approached me after their show and asked me to join cast. Their reason was "we need more hot chicks" to which I laughed and stated that I was DEFIANTLY not hot. To which I was told I needed to be smacked for saying that. And after that it was a common occurance to have my fellow castmates and audience members making comments to me regarding the fact that they thought I was "hot". I was confused..... me? hot? since when?!? I was told for YEARS by every boy I met that I was ugly! How is it that now I'm this new "hot" thing? I haven't changed that much since I graduated. So I was baffled. To this day when I have people tell me I'm attractive I usually laugh and say "no" or "thank you, but you've only seen me with make-up on". I still don't think I'm pretty, regardless of what people say. I know what I look like when I wake up....it's not pretty. Ask Ange (my sister) she's seen it lol.

Then a few months after joining Rocky people at Goth Night started talking to me, it's common for those people to make comments on my looks. Even to the point the DJ Darkschoir would come up to me just to tell me how "hot" I was...mostly when I was wearing vinyl lol. After years of this I was hanging out with my two best friends at the time Alan, and Kato to which they inform me that I'm hated by girls at the club. Hated?!? To I'm then informed is because I'm considered "the hottest & most popular chick at the club" and the girls are jealous and hate me for it. Even to the point that their own boyfriends are commenting on this fact, adding to the hating of me. This had me baffled and confused the hell out of me 'cause I still barely had people talking to me, and I don't think I'm hot let alone the "hottest" girl at the club. I found it completely rediculous.

A few more years pass and I actually start hanging out with AJ.... the very hot boy who always sat on the speaker across from me at the club. I never in a million years thought he would've EVER talked to me, let alone that we would've dated. He tells me that with my looks I should start modeling....so I figure what the hell, and dive in. It's been quite an experience. My self confidence has MASSIVELY increased. I'm a lot less self conscience about my looks then I was 5 years ago when I first started going to Goth Night. And slowly I've seen this "popular" thing at the club.... and I still find it VERY strange. I have people that i don't even know, and probably have never actually met say "Hi Charity" to me at the club. I'm still not convinced that I'm pretty, most of the pictures I've had taken are of me with a lot of make-up on. It's a VERY rare occasion for a photographer to capture me without. But a few have been lucky. I've NEVER had a picture taken where I've had no make-up on though. All of the pictures in ths post are of me with ALMOST no make-up. I'm wearing at least foundation, blush, and mascara. Gotta cover up the dark circles under my eyes some how....and those are natural....stupid having big eyes. But these pictures make me see them and go......maybe I'm not so bad after all :)

My computer hates this thing

So every time I've tried to log in or post on this thing my computer has went psycho and either froze up or just shut down EVERYTHING. Hense the massive lack of posting anything. So I'm very sorry for those who actually read the few posts that I have gotten to put on here. I'm also having the same problem with DeviantArt. A whole bunch of pop-ups come up, then disappear then all my screens shut down. I should probably get some virus and spyware and adware stuff on here....maybe that'll clean up this stupid mess. Blah.

So if this doesn't fuck up....there's my post. If this thing continues not to be annoying I'll post a real post here soon with some of my pictures from the past few months.

Photo above taken by JMX Photographer, tee-shirt provided by TShirtStyle

In Dayton.... part 2

Since I couldn't add a few more of the pictures that I ADORED from the bathtub fun in the last post, here's a new one :)

The picture above is one of my favorites of the whole bunch. There's four shots in the tub that I just love. I have this image as my main image on my One Model Place profile.

Everyone that's on my Myspace has seen the image on the left. I love it because there's an artsy feel to it. Kinda dramatic. This is one of the other of the four I mentioned above.

If you've seen my Model Mayhem profile then you've seen this picture. It also has that kinda dramatic feel to it. I like the slight sadness of the shot.

I love black and white images. Which is fine with me 'cause that's all I am. Pale white with black accessories ;) There's a certain feel to it, something beautiful about black and white photos. I've always loved them.

Color is good too, depending on the image. So if a photographer takes a picture in color I prefer it because it can always be turned into a black and white. You can't make a black and white into a color image.

And this is the last of the four. There's something beautifly simple about it that I love. Again, the sadness of it I find perfect.

In Dayton where they Worship Satan ;)

I took a little road trip the other week to visit my best friend of thirteen years; Michelle. And since I was in Daytonland we had the fantastic Gary Mitchell come over and do some shoots with us. We did a punk set, a chicks in fishnets set, and Bubbles in a bathtub set.

So I'll give you want you all want..... hot chicks in a bathtub :)

And hot me and a bathtub lol ;)

We had Mr. Bubble AND Calgon moisturizing bubble bath. The Calgon turned the water VERY blue. We were sliding all over the bathtub and giggling the whole time. It doesn't seem like it would be that hard to sit in a bath and blow bubbles, but we kept sliding in to eachother. As well as blowing them at the same time became a giggly chalenge.

And even though it will ruin the illusion, I'm NOT naked. We did a good job of covering that up. It's amazing what you can do with hair and bubbles :)

It was a good time. Even had my make-up done for the shoot. He's a friend of Michelle's and he works for MAC cosmetics (which is very well known in the make-up world) so he knew his stuff. It turned out really well even though I was a bit apprehensive since his did my make-up in lighter colors. Since we were both in very dark and gothy outfits. But it worked for the most part.

**I started writing this blog on October 6th.... then it stopped letting me up load pictures after this last on on the right..... so I saved it as a draft to try again later. After 4 different times of trying to add more pictures to this post, I've realized that it's not going to let me. So I'll move on to the next one and let the public finally have it's chance to view this one.

Lacking....

Sorry for the MASSIVE lack of updates as of late. Been busy, and my internet connection kinda sucks :( But here are some pictures that I had done the other week by Dee of Flutterby Studios. She did my make-up and my hair. I need to have people do that more often :) It was fantastic. So here's what she sent me so far.
Set one: Chinese Punk

Set two: Asian Elegance

Set three: Vogue

She'll be sending the rest of the pictures to pick through as soon as my computer lets me log on her site.

As always, comments would be lovely :)

Dance for me...

This was taken from the Boyd Birthday Bash Group Shoot at the end of July by the AMAZING Gary Mitchell (who's photo blog inspired this one...link is to the right). All the work that Gary does is very sensual. He took these pictures of me in my bellydancer outfit that I just resently aquired. They came out beautifully. 'Cause Gary rocks like that :) Here's some more of my favorites from the shoot.

And then the color shots

If you'd like to see my favorite shots from this shoot go to my photobucket which also has all the other shoots I've done with Gary. So go take a look through it. And if you want to see all the shots from this shoot go to Gary's Site, it has all the shots along with the ones taken of me and Katie together on the stage.

Comments would be lovely :)

From the begining

As my first photo blog post I figured it'd be appropriate to post a photo from the first photoshoot I ever did. The picture to the left was taken by the AMAZING Andi-bob. I've know the girl for quite a while and she's fantastic at all she does :) She made me the beautiful pleather ball gown that I'm wearing in the picture. I designed it for a Masquerade Ball we were having at the goth club we all go to. Figured she should be the person to take a picture of me in it since she spent all that time putting it together. The pictures came out beautifully. I couldn't have been happier with them, regardless of the fact that it was December, freezing, and snow everywhere to the point my hands were red. (hense the reason they were taken in black and white) :) She's made me a few more outfits that I've designed since then, as well as a few more photoshoots with me. She's always a doll to work with and fun to boot. If you get the chance to work with her in any way, take it. She's fantastic :)

So there's my first entry, and a picture from my first shoot ever. I've had MANY more since then, and I MIGHT post a few from those past shoots. For now I'm just starting from the begining.

All comments, critisism, complements, and the like are more than welcome.

Thank you and come again :)
~Charity~